Can't it wait another day?

Flames engulf me, swallowing my body

My thoughts vanish, before my body breaks

And I dont know it, that I am no more.

By Tasnim Jivaji

Words hurt when they form injurious questions.

Goodness knows why everyone needs to know the Why and How of my life. I do realise, I am hearing their preprinted script in the dialogue for the territory I am in. When all is 'said', I know they are 'done'. In the meanwhile, I will browse and enjoy where I am, 'cause this is just a point in my journey. I'm keeping my compass deep in my pocket for a while, I want to linger before I search for a destination. It should be waiting for me no matter what, in that beautiful horizon.

Week 35 - I know you are relieved. Your relief is the friendly twist in our banter. It's over now, once and for all, and this time there is no guilt.

"I have a thick skin," you said. Friend, our whole body is enveloped in skin. It is no armour, frankly. There is a reason that our head has a spread of hair on the skin, and a hard skull under it. The skin might be thick as you want to make it, but then, it is porous. Look to your own Creation, protect what goes in your head, let the skin take the sunshine in

Week 34 - Newness makes me want to find who is who?

Friends for a lifetime, friends for a season, friends for a moment, friends for a few days. How hard is it to part from a friend we meet at a beach on a holiday, spent the whole two weeks together of the most gorgeous time ever? It should not be less hard than the breaking of the fair weather friend. No less than the nice person on the train who taught you that strangers hold the best conversations! Be your own friend for your lifetime and no one else can break you where healing never is.

Week 33 - No Woman No Cry

So I signed a new contract on my life.
I sold my soul.
But there is something new in this new.
I may be returned here for a reason and I know it is not for the same reason that I signed the first contract for.
I want to say life wants different things of me now, but the feeling is, I want less of life things now.

Week 32 - Days of Birth until Death do Us Part

Misri Birthday today. Feels good to be born on such a great day. No wonder I'm so blessed. Lailatul kadr is here. Want to thank The Almighty and to Everyone and say Thank You for loving me. I ask for forgiveness, never would I want to hurt any of you with intent. May we live and die in peace.

Week 31 - Lumps that take life

I am told there are lumps in my chest that could kill me.
If there is anything that such a thing can do to you it is to learn whether you are ready to be stuffed in a small space underground with just only yourself there.
I am ready. I want to do this. Why not?
To tell you that I am thinking about those I will leave behind, I would lie a little. Because I am not thinking about them in a way that makes me elevated to them missing me, more me missing their lives.
I am conjuring their old faces, their children's voices, their spouses' hands touching them in ownership, their thoughts engrossed in happiness.
I am not ready because I have a list of things to do that I have not even started on in some ways.
I have tons of lists, this list just might not be ready for me.
So what does it mean? Does it mean I am not destined yet to get to that stuff, or has that stuff just passed me by?

pms

PMS - Pissed Mad Sister

PMS = See Me Please

Week 30 - Let us forget so much but not that we are human

I watched A Prophet. Europe has quite a deal, with the diaspora living there. Deep biases and stubborn hatreds steeps the organic life of dangerous minds penned in. Europe being the geographic centre of Earth, has to be used to the invasions of nomads passing through, taking refuge, enjoying the temperate lush. But it hasn't, even those who came for whatever reason forgot their survival story.

Week 29 - For all those nasty things that we must not indulge in.

I am reading - Like The Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. This is an easy read because each chapter can be read in less than five minutes - not so easy to read and to forget. I love this one line in the book where he talks about people who work hard, 'who try to preserve the dignity of what they do.' Paulo is one who can write a line that stops me stunned because of it's beauty, meaning and utter genius.

Week 28 - Divert back to where you want to go

Ok people, lets talk about those dreams. Those unfathomable goals. Those fearful heights we have not been thinking we can climb. One small child from a small town in Ontario, here in Canada is someone to focus on, Justin Bieber. Now don't go saying I have The Fever, because from the era I come from, I got the fever long ago. Focus, if he can - you can. So, stop that enemy within right now and grab yourself a future.

Week 27 - But where is the person who lives here?

I have a strange life,
Everything anyone ever wants is here with me.

I live a strange day
Everything doesn't happen as I planned.

I want a strange truth
Everything I want is not what I have

I am a stranger inside me
Everyone is what I never expected but is here now.

Week 26 - It is officially the middle of the year and I am in the middle of a muddle!

And this muddle sets me apart from the rest of them all!

I want to be magnificent.
I want to be just what the doctor ordered!

And I will get better at being me.
No matter what!

Week 25 - I feel the lies piling up

I have no idea where to look when I am stuck in a lie.
Part of me wants to turn back the clock
Part of me wants to never be in this swamp

All in all it is the bitter sweetened fruit in the middle
of the dormant fragile crust that is buttered and kneaded
and baked in the heat with vents to let out the stench!

Week 24 - Everything I ever hoped for is happening.

But I do not like the feeling inside. I think I wished for the wrong thing to happen. But I am on the top of the roller coaster and I know that I am going to hate this ride, I am going to lose my dignity swearing out loud, but come out of this fine. Fine and relieved. Fine and alive. Fine and swearing never to do this again.

Week 23 - Where are all the lovely hours gone?

When I was young, I had the nerve!
I went about the hours of my day and everything made sense.
I did not live for many people and I had my life cut out.
The way I need it to dress me and for everything to work out.

Now I am grown and used to this life,
I know how to live and how to get around,
I have it all figured out, the meaning and the rhyme too.
But I have nothing I want to make the harmony of my soul

I live the way I want to still, go about the way I do,
But the people dont matter to me and I dont matter to them
They do things for me I do not want them to and they dont like what I do
Nothing rhymes like it used to and nothing sounds like it should.

I want to say that Nature is right,
you go when someone is hungry
cause living and living and living
like this can get boring too.

Week 22 - Well the garden isnt speaking to me.

Someone or the other isn't speaking to me at any given time.
If it is not my heart then it is my head
I cant imagine why I want to speak to anyone
When all I want is peace and quiet and stillness in my soul

Week 21 - Summer is in the air!

I want nothing more than to be alone.
I just want the rest of everyone near me gone
No one here means anything,
The people who do, are tragically drawn
To those who dont.

Week 20 - Freaking out because there is nothing working

Sometimes it is better that things don't work out the way we want them to.
I find that after a lot of painstaking needs and wants and wishes. Writing to the Universe to give us what we want - and then getting it, it just doesn't work out like we hoped.
And this thing comes and bites us in the face!
If you have ever been slammed in the face by a door, or been elbowed in the centre of the face where the nose and the eyes meet. You would feel the immense pain that is. And sometimes wanting something badly enough, isnt just needing it. Cause when it comes, boy can it hurt and does it torment the living daylights out of you!
So be careful what you wish for, be careful what you ask of the Universe, because it will send it forth to you and sometimes you are better off just wanting and pining away than getting it, I am speaking from experience here!

Week 19 - Blogging about goals

Ive been sending messages on Facebook, hoping to motivate myself. Hoping to motivate someone else to come out and say, let us do it together. But nothing like that has happened. It is getting pretty old this year and time isnt waiting for me and you. What else could be keeping us so busy?