Waking up is so hard to do.

So, last night, I listened to an audio titled Miracle Morning. And because it was the last thing I happened to do, it was ringing in my ear all night, so to speak.
I woke up late, almost missing my son going to school. There is never enough sleep in my night for me, yet this morning a lingering thought was following me, unsettling me.
Like the heavy smell of the skunk long after it has gone, it seemed to me to follow me, steaming up from my morning mad hair curls.
All the 'chores', all the 'stuff' that is an automatic routine that I was doing just to begin my day, spoke to me in silent rebuke. I could have done all these things in the wee hours of the morning and begun my day at an hour that would leave me plenty of time in the day to do the more and more I want to - not the need to - do.
So, from tomorrow, I will succumb to my guilt and wake up at 5:00 am.
I am excited, because I already have made plans for what I will catch up on with so much more time in my hands at the end of the day.
Thank you.

mY tIME

I waste the day
lounging in my despair
thinking only of hurt

filling every cell
every second
with ache

Anyone who comes to me
I vent my pent up frustrations
Shouting ugly choking slurs

Basically beastly
Nothing good awakens me
Sinking in a phantom quicksand

I like nothing.
and I hate myself
Into a sickening mood

Sick to the core,
Remorse to the bone
Ugliness through and through

Yet needing so much
Just held tight
and slowed down

What am I to do?
Reach out
Grab the fleeting

Over the self esteem
a dose of less, a touch of more
Peace versus the hole?

To say I lived well
With a half better
Left untouched