Week 47 - Extraordinary me.

‎'I can't believe that!' said Alice.
'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again; draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'
Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' said she: 'one can't believe impossible things.'
'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.'
Excerpt from Lewis Carroll's Alice Through The Looking Glass.

I am here.

Week 46 - Give ma a break!

What is it about growing old that makes us so fearless? One minute we are kids ourselves and the next we are parents, wielding power and knowledge over our children as if we know everything. I think we spend way too much time and energy over-parenting. We should give kids space to grow, to understand who they are without us constantly buttering their thoughts with our pounding views and rules. Whe...n children are our only focus, we overlook that they are watching us and learning from us in ways we do not see. We forget about living our own lives before time runs out, and simply be role models, mentors and compasses to these witnesses of our habits, our passions, our goals. Leading beyond barriers, achieving beyond dreams, if we did not do it for ourselves how could we have taught the kids to know their true worth and how to harness their own greatness?

Week 44 - What if both the doors and windows are bolted shut tightly?

They say, 'When God closes a door, He opens a window somewhere else.' Whoever attempted to enter anywhere through a window was shot down and is not here to tell us how it went. But why would a Benevolent God put you through that, get you to look up and figure the window is your salvation when you are downcast and disappointed? Doors are doors, not walls, when doors shut they always open again. Take the break and smile at the person in the mirror before you have to run out again through that brand new opportunity of the open door.

Week 43 - So much regret for doing so much that never paid off.

Everyday that this year draws to an end, I am thinking of my family, my friends and my collegues, wondering what milestones were crossed, what obstacles were crushed, what triumphs heaved us up this year. I know we lost some dears, through the unknown barrier of death, and we made new bonds who will make this journey bolder in colour. Let us take this baton into next year and make it a catapult to bear us unto new heights never imagined before.

Week 42 - To my memories of my pains.

You are old enough to behave however you like, and I respect that, and I am old enough to know that I shouldn't accept your behaviour if I am to respect myself.

Week 41 - Friends, don't come here please.

I am swimming in my pool of lies
I fill my eyes with its lust
I take deep breathes of reality
How buoyant is the truth
It drifts over me and soaks in
I am heavy with it
And when the lies evaporate
I am wrung in my folly
Burning in the draught
I become a prune of shame.

Week 40 - And I lied

I lay on the beach.
I worshipped the sun.
I dreamed the non - dream.
I eat the offers.
I drank like mad.
I heard what Nemesis spoke
I listened to my heart scream
I drowned in the lies.

Week 39 - Escapade

I am planning an escapade. A jaunt to nowhere. A sight on silence and detachment from the cacophony of my life. But my Nemesis wants to follow me there.

Week 38 - My Need is Wrong

I do not want to need what only I see in you,

Do not want to be lured by that quality that you dont know you own,

I know that you do not need me,

And that you do not want me equally,

And I am the only one who sees it that way

Week 37 - If you want to do it, do it. But if you never did, so what?

Problems and struggles come not to cleanse our souls. Unforeseen circumstances, irritable responsibilities - they come not to test our faith. All in life is good and simple. A burden cannot be put on the shoulders of one who will not be able to bear it. Should you take it upon yourself, then make of yourself a beast of burden or a heavy weight champion. And if you can't, then take it off your shoulders and live your life. There are no second chances to life, one lives now, there is no tomorrow.

Week 36 - And I find myself again at a precipice!

What happened today will change the texture of tomorrow. A splash of no control. That moment you got swept off the cliff and your parachute is tight and secure, but you don't remember it is, because you took it for granted.

Water? What the... ?

They narrowed their eyes and warned us,
about over population in some places.
They said the desert was creeping in,
when everyone was chopping up the trees.
Oh they noticed that the hills melt away
Running into urgent streams to fill the ocean.

They warned us
They wanted us to stop
They warned us

Can't it wait another day?

Flames engulf me, swallowing my body

My thoughts vanish, before my body breaks

And I dont know it, that I am no more.

By Tasnim Jivaji

Words hurt when they form injurious questions.

Goodness knows why everyone needs to know the Why and How of my life. I do realise, I am hearing their preprinted script in the dialogue for the territory I am in. When all is 'said', I know they are 'done'. In the meanwhile, I will browse and enjoy where I am, 'cause this is just a point in my journey. I'm keeping my compass deep in my pocket for a while, I want to linger before I search for a destination. It should be waiting for me no matter what, in that beautiful horizon.

Week 35 - I know you are relieved. Your relief is the friendly twist in our banter. It's over now, once and for all, and this time there is no guilt.

"I have a thick skin," you said. Friend, our whole body is enveloped in skin. It is no armour, frankly. There is a reason that our head has a spread of hair on the skin, and a hard skull under it. The skin might be thick as you want to make it, but then, it is porous. Look to your own Creation, protect what goes in your head, let the skin take the sunshine in

Week 34 - Newness makes me want to find who is who?

Friends for a lifetime, friends for a season, friends for a moment, friends for a few days. How hard is it to part from a friend we meet at a beach on a holiday, spent the whole two weeks together of the most gorgeous time ever? It should not be less hard than the breaking of the fair weather friend. No less than the nice person on the train who taught you that strangers hold the best conversations! Be your own friend for your lifetime and no one else can break you where healing never is.

Week 33 - No Woman No Cry

So I signed a new contract on my life.
I sold my soul.
But there is something new in this new.
I may be returned here for a reason and I know it is not for the same reason that I signed the first contract for.
I want to say life wants different things of me now, but the feeling is, I want less of life things now.

Week 32 - Days of Birth until Death do Us Part

Misri Birthday today. Feels good to be born on such a great day. No wonder I'm so blessed. Lailatul kadr is here. Want to thank The Almighty and to Everyone and say Thank You for loving me. I ask for forgiveness, never would I want to hurt any of you with intent. May we live and die in peace.

Week 31 - Lumps that take life

I am told there are lumps in my chest that could kill me.
If there is anything that such a thing can do to you it is to learn whether you are ready to be stuffed in a small space underground with just only yourself there.
I am ready. I want to do this. Why not?
To tell you that I am thinking about those I will leave behind, I would lie a little. Because I am not thinking about them in a way that makes me elevated to them missing me, more me missing their lives.
I am conjuring their old faces, their children's voices, their spouses' hands touching them in ownership, their thoughts engrossed in happiness.
I am not ready because I have a list of things to do that I have not even started on in some ways.
I have tons of lists, this list just might not be ready for me.
So what does it mean? Does it mean I am not destined yet to get to that stuff, or has that stuff just passed me by?

pms

PMS - Pissed Mad Sister

PMS = See Me Please