Week 51 - 168 Hours.

I fell down the stairs this week. It;s actually a much needed thing, to fall down a slippery flight of stairs to get real with your life.
I of course, was left with a fervent need not to live again through sludges of bullshit !
And for the ringing in my ear, I have resolved to buy the best earplugs for my iPod I can lay my newly leased hands on.
For the rest of my life, I have resolved even more to put to greater use of the 168 hours a week I am endowed with, like a dowry for a change in life experience as marriage is, I am going to do more and less of what I did last year!

Week 50 - I must be stupid or something.

Don't bother with the duct tape this time,
I'm done with it so
Chuck it away, this old thing
To waste anymore time, scathing
Like I have nothing else better to do

This time it is different
because I can't cry
I can't disrespect my soul
begging, in the labyrinth
I know so well
To bury myself in your darkness

This time, the rocks are dashed
jagged cracks in an old woman's heart
and I see less in my horizon
before my foggy dry years
when I won't even remember what it is
that is broken

I have seen it, o'course I have,
In the thousands of days
I have been yours,
you have wielded it, and given it
but not to me,  and not to me

So, my ship I know will never come
even as I set loose my sail
You lose your way at the start
where your distractions blur me
And I fly away into the orbit where you spin me

Im scared, scared of the nights
scared there will be no loneliness
scared the emptiness wont find me
scared that I can live without the chestful of thumps
scared the sadness wont own me

My body slips on an old woman's skin
whether you do or not do
what you should be doing
just to make this woman smile
Something that made her want
so badly, it killed her.

Week 49 - I am nearing something

But I am not sure I will enjoy it
I know it is what I need and I might not like it
But I have to find it
I am Crocodile Dundee and Pirate of Caribbean
I am about to behold the treaure I know I seek
But there are doubts because I want so much to love
This NEMESIS!

For just one moment, can we do this

Blood - G, donno.

Hunger - er, we do not wear G strings.

Water - Great, why?

War - Google Terrorism.

Canada, let's treat G click, let's air lift, person bloodied, hungry, sheepskin water jug, child not waking to peace and plonk them with G#.

Next G to be held, oh, where gangs are rallying, where they line up for food for half a day, walk a marathon to dig their water and for sound effects, there is nothing like war.

Week 48 - Why that is so sorted out.

The beauty of life,
The beauty of new days ahead,
The beauty of a journey's bend,
The beauty of you in beautiful life.
Thank you for being there yesterday into tomorrow.
Have a prosperous and fulfilling 1433!

Week 47 - Extraordinary me.

‎'I can't believe that!' said Alice.
'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again; draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'
Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' said she: 'one can't believe impossible things.'
'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.'
Excerpt from Lewis Carroll's Alice Through The Looking Glass.

I am here.

Week 46 - Give ma a break!

What is it about growing old that makes us so fearless? One minute we are kids ourselves and the next we are parents, wielding power and knowledge over our children as if we know everything. I think we spend way too much time and energy over-parenting. We should give kids space to grow, to understand who they are without us constantly buttering their thoughts with our pounding views and rules. Whe...n children are our only focus, we overlook that they are watching us and learning from us in ways we do not see. We forget about living our own lives before time runs out, and simply be role models, mentors and compasses to these witnesses of our habits, our passions, our goals. Leading beyond barriers, achieving beyond dreams, if we did not do it for ourselves how could we have taught the kids to know their true worth and how to harness their own greatness?

Week 44 - What if both the doors and windows are bolted shut tightly?

They say, 'When God closes a door, He opens a window somewhere else.' Whoever attempted to enter anywhere through a window was shot down and is not here to tell us how it went. But why would a Benevolent God put you through that, get you to look up and figure the window is your salvation when you are downcast and disappointed? Doors are doors, not walls, when doors shut they always open again. Take the break and smile at the person in the mirror before you have to run out again through that brand new opportunity of the open door.

Week 43 - So much regret for doing so much that never paid off.

Everyday that this year draws to an end, I am thinking of my family, my friends and my collegues, wondering what milestones were crossed, what obstacles were crushed, what triumphs heaved us up this year. I know we lost some dears, through the unknown barrier of death, and we made new bonds who will make this journey bolder in colour. Let us take this baton into next year and make it a catapult to bear us unto new heights never imagined before.

Week 42 - To my memories of my pains.

You are old enough to behave however you like, and I respect that, and I am old enough to know that I shouldn't accept your behaviour if I am to respect myself.

Week 41 - Friends, don't come here please.

I am swimming in my pool of lies
I fill my eyes with its lust
I take deep breathes of reality
How buoyant is the truth
It drifts over me and soaks in
I am heavy with it
And when the lies evaporate
I am wrung in my folly
Burning in the draught
I become a prune of shame.

Week 40 - And I lied

I lay on the beach.
I worshipped the sun.
I dreamed the non - dream.
I eat the offers.
I drank like mad.
I heard what Nemesis spoke
I listened to my heart scream
I drowned in the lies.

Week 39 - Escapade

I am planning an escapade. A jaunt to nowhere. A sight on silence and detachment from the cacophony of my life. But my Nemesis wants to follow me there.

Week 38 - My Need is Wrong

I do not want to need what only I see in you,

Do not want to be lured by that quality that you dont know you own,

I know that you do not need me,

And that you do not want me equally,

And I am the only one who sees it that way

Week 37 - If you want to do it, do it. But if you never did, so what?

Problems and struggles come not to cleanse our souls. Unforeseen circumstances, irritable responsibilities - they come not to test our faith. All in life is good and simple. A burden cannot be put on the shoulders of one who will not be able to bear it. Should you take it upon yourself, then make of yourself a beast of burden or a heavy weight champion. And if you can't, then take it off your shoulders and live your life. There are no second chances to life, one lives now, there is no tomorrow.

Week 36 - And I find myself again at a precipice!

What happened today will change the texture of tomorrow. A splash of no control. That moment you got swept off the cliff and your parachute is tight and secure, but you don't remember it is, because you took it for granted.

Water? What the... ?

They narrowed their eyes and warned us,
about over population in some places.
They said the desert was creeping in,
when everyone was chopping up the trees.
Oh they noticed that the hills melt away
Running into urgent streams to fill the ocean.

They warned us
They wanted us to stop
They warned us

Can't it wait another day?

Flames engulf me, swallowing my body

My thoughts vanish, before my body breaks

And I dont know it, that I am no more.

By Tasnim Jivaji

Words hurt when they form injurious questions.

Goodness knows why everyone needs to know the Why and How of my life. I do realise, I am hearing their preprinted script in the dialogue for the territory I am in. When all is 'said', I know they are 'done'. In the meanwhile, I will browse and enjoy where I am, 'cause this is just a point in my journey. I'm keeping my compass deep in my pocket for a while, I want to linger before I search for a destination. It should be waiting for me no matter what, in that beautiful horizon.

Week 35 - I know you are relieved. Your relief is the friendly twist in our banter. It's over now, once and for all, and this time there is no guilt.

"I have a thick skin," you said. Friend, our whole body is enveloped in skin. It is no armour, frankly. There is a reason that our head has a spread of hair on the skin, and a hard skull under it. The skin might be thick as you want to make it, but then, it is porous. Look to your own Creation, protect what goes in your head, let the skin take the sunshine in