mY tIME

I waste the day
lounging in my despair
thinking only of hurt

filling every cell
every second
with ache

Anyone who comes to me
I vent my pent up frustrations
Shouting ugly choking slurs

Basically beastly
Nothing good awakens me
Sinking in a phantom quicksand

I like nothing.
and I hate myself
Into a sickening mood

Sick to the core,
Remorse to the bone
Ugliness through and through

Yet needing so much
Just held tight
and slowed down

What am I to do?
Reach out
Grab the fleeting

Over the self esteem
a dose of less, a touch of more
Peace versus the hole?

To say I lived well
With a half better
Left untouched